BBC Breakfast
Tuned in to BBC1 recently for the London weather, was a little early and was roused from my usual early morning torpor by Naga Munchetty letting out a scream followed by a cackle worthy of one of the weird sisters in Macbeth, or possibly all three. On further research I find she uses this “cackle” on a regular basis. This is a classic symptom of “Matthew Parris Syndrome” where the sufferer feels they are not the centre of attention and go to any lengths to be heard. Suggest that she and Matthew set up a self help group with fellow victims Piers Morgan and Nicky Campbell from 5Live, surely an incurable case. Remember Naga, do not do this during a serious news story, probably not a problem as there are not that many on your show.
Fake News
The BBC has published fake news regarding Ukrainian leader Petro Poroshenko and will pay substantial libel damages. Also fake news, the licence payer will pay substantial damages! So no problem there then.
More fake news – the BBC is considering a spot for Jeremy Corbyn. “Turnip” Jeremy will give tips on vegetable growing from his allotment. Unfortunately he has already fallen out with Monty Don declaring that “Jerusalem artichokes have no place on the BBC or the Labour Party”. Tom Watson will investigate … one day.
PigeonEye
Pigeon eye spotted a surly looking individual skulking around City Hall, this proved to be none other than Mayor Sardine Can. The Mayor was following his usual routine of looking for a photo opportunity. Grim faced and using his tie to hold up his trousers the Mayor asserted that any problems were caused by someone else, possibly Gladstone or Disraeli. Carry on with the good work your honour.
Jobcentre for Grieve
Tory turncoat Dominic Grieve throws his toys out of the pram. Dominic if you betray the electorate, your constituents and your party what do you expect. We still have a vestige of Democracy in this country if not in Parliament, you have no integrity and you are history. You will not be the last to be given the heave ho. You have paid the price, no integrity, no honour, no future, Goodbye and good riddance Dom.