BBC, Jeremy, The Mayor

BBC Breakfast

Tuned in to BBC1 recently for the London weather, was a little early and was roused from my usual early morning torpor by Naga Munchetty letting out a scream followed by a cackle worthy of one of the weird sisters in Macbeth, or possibly all three. On further research I find she uses this “cackle” on a regular basis. This is a classic symptom of “Matthew Parris Syndrome” where the sufferer feels they are not the centre of attention and go to any lengths to be heard. Suggest that she and Matthew set up a self help group with fellow victims Piers Morgan and Nicky Campbell from 5Live, surely an incurable case. Remember Naga, do not do this during a serious news story, probably not a problem as there are not that many on your show.

Fake News

The BBC has published fake news regarding Ukrainian leader Petro Poroshenko and will pay substantial libel damages. Also fake news, the licence payer will pay substantial damages! So no problem there then.

More fake news – the BBC is considering a spot for Jeremy Corbyn. “Turnip” Jeremy will give tips on vegetable growing from his allotment. Unfortunately he has already fallen out with Monty Don declaring that “Jerusalem artichokes have no place on the BBC or the Labour Party”. Tom Watson will investigate … one day.

PigeonEye

Pigeon eye spotted a surly looking individual skulking around City Hall, this proved to be none other than Mayor Sardine Can. The Mayor was following his usual routine of looking for a photo opportunity. Grim faced and using his tie to hold up his trousers the Mayor asserted that any problems were caused by someone else, possibly Gladstone or Disraeli. Carry on with the good work your honour.

Jobcentre for Grieve

Tory turncoat Dominic Grieve throws his toys out of the pram. Dominic if you betray the electorate, your constituents and your party what do you expect. We still have a vestige of Democracy in this country if not in Parliament, you have no integrity and you are history. You will not be the last to be given the heave ho. You have paid the price, no integrity, no honour, no future, Goodbye and good riddance Dom.

Is the BBC worth it?

Matthew Parris – Elitism is alive and well

Have you noticed how often Matthew Parris appears on R4 Extra. Most evenings Matthew can be found chatting to the great and the good. The trouble with Matthew is that he must be the centre of attention, after a few minutes he will interrupt to give his view, an interesting anecdote about one of his servants from his past, or his outrage when he found out one of his guests had not been to university, Matthew cannot be called a Democrat, all those awful common people voting for Brexit.

Perhaps the BBC could save money by dispensing with the guests, Matthew could interview himself. Working titles: “Parris Pontificates” or perhaps “Matthew on Matthew”. The BBC really should make more use of such an unreconstructed snob.

Donald Tusk – Satan’s Slave?

Once again Donald has reserved a place for me in hell, thanks Don! I did not realise that Tusk was so close to Satan! One thing Don, can you get me a place far away from yourself and the rest of your cronies. It’s good to have contacts in low places, perhaps it will be useful in your New European Empire, actually Don you would make a great Emperor – conceited, borderline psychotic, arrogant – a shoe-in. Look what you did for Poland, managed to empty the country of its population, and insulted Democrats everywhere. Is Satanism now a recognised EU bargaining position, I am sure we will hear more from the old devil soon.

28 Days for an egg!

Throw an egg at Jeremy Corbyn and you get 28 days in the chokey. Pervert the course of justice and you get out in about the same time, and you get to vote in Parliament. Only if you are a Labour MP, well done the House of Commons, and we thought you could not lower the tone any further.